These are actual excerpts from Church Bulletins that are pretty funny. Hope you enjoy.

*Registration for the fasting and prayer conference includes meals.

*The morning sermon is titled " Jesus Walks on the Water" The sermon tonight is titled " Searching For Jesus"

*Ladies don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

*The Peace making class scheduled for this afternoon has been cancelled due to a conflict.

*Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.

*For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery down stairs.

*Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

*The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy"

*Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in grade school.

*At the evening service, the sermon will be " What is Hell". Come early and listen to our choir practice.

*Eight new choir robes are currently needed because of additions of several new members and the deterioration of some older ones.

*Scouts are collecting aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

*Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

*Potluck Supper Sunday at 5. Prayer and medication to follow.

*Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10am. All ladies are invited to the fellowship hall for lunch after the B.S. is done.

*The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back door.

*Weight Watchers will meet Thursday at 7pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.

*The Associate Minister will present the new tithing campaign slogan "I upped My Pledge - Up Yours"

First I had trouble getting out of bed




Then I had a stiff neck......






I washed my hair and couldn't do a thing with it





My new diet doesn't seem to be working....




I pulled a muscle when I tried to work out....




My new hat looked better in the store....




I keep losing things....



The boss chewed me out at work.....




I got caught in the rain at lunch.....



Then lunch didn't seem to agree with me.....




I feel trapped.....





Uninvited guests showed up for dinner......




On top of that, I think I'm coming down with the flu.....




I'm finally, I'm alone in the house at night and suddenly I think I hear a noise in the basement....